Blood is Blood
by Ayakaishi Fei
Summary: After the death of a classmate, the digidestined are forced to confront their own demons, the one's they've been ignoring for a long time. This is no kiddy story and deals with serious issues. KENSUKE! TAITO! DISCONTINUED
1. No Fairy Tale or Happy End

'Blood is Blood'  
  
By Kaizer K-chan and FireDemon  
  
Warnings: Suicide, Death, Angst, Mentions a lot of not nice stuff. This is a serious fic.  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Digimon or the song "Blood is Blood" by Nerina Pallot, but we suggest you listen to it. The storyline and all original characters belong to us, or the respective people they're based on. Please don't take them without permission.  
  
For the real Ben, rest in peace man.  
  
Chapter 1: No Fairy Tale or Happy End  
  
'To Whom It May Concern: In other words, everyone, because it concerns everyone.  
  
I know I'm not the best writer (everyone knows I failed English last year) I just hope I can get my point across, because there's some real fucked up people in this world, and I think they need help, well I think the whole world needs help.  
  
I know most people think I've had a perfect life; that's not true because nobody's had a perfect life.  
  
And before you ask, this isn't about me or the attention I might get (flattering though it may be) it's about everybody, because everybody has issues, no matter how hard they try to ignore them.  
  
I talk to so many people, students and teachers and dropouts alike. Everyone has problems but the little problems always get pushed aside until they're big problems, and by then it's too late.  
  
I'm not gonna name any people cos you guys all know you are, and don't dare think this is your fault, none of youse had anything to do with this.  
  
It seems like everyone I know has problems, even the ones who act like they don't... maybe especially them.  
  
Some of the things I've heard and been told, and even seen - it's disgusting that it could happen to anyone. But what was even more horrible was that some of you, most of you even, thought it was completely normal.  
  
Well I'm telling you now it's not.  
  
Don't think I'm trying to pass judgement on you, I'm not, but when your father climbs into bed with you at night, that's not normal. When your dad hits your mom cos he's drunk, it's not normal. When your mom's that wacked out that she can't even remember your name; that's not normal.  
  
You guys, why can't you see this, you guys have got to stop hiding from it. This is bullshit, it shouldn't be happening.  
  
I know how hard it is to face your own issues, and I'm a coward, I can't. God knows I've tried, but I can't hack this shit.  
  
I know I'm a coward and I know I'm taking the cowards way out, which is why I want all of you to face your problems. Don't let them eat you from the inside out, cos they do. I know I'm selfish, I just hope that my death makes you all realise that little problems are still problems. Make sure you deal with your own problems, before you end up like me, cos I don't want anyone to feel like I'm feeling right now, and I don't want any of youse to have to write a note like this one.  
  
To whoever finds this, please make sure that everyone gets to read it, or hear it, or in some way know about it.  
  
Take care, you guys,  
  
And I'm sorry.  
  
Goodbye.  
  
Ben.'  
  
With one careful, deliberate motion I set down the pen and reach for the note. I stop when I realise my hands are trembling: Shit I'm scared. I don't know what's gonna happen after I do it. What if you do go to hell after you kill yourself? I chastise myself, I don't believe in hell, right now it feels like I'm in hell anyway.  
  
Someone once asked me what could possibly make someone want to die so much that they would do it themselves. I told them I didn't know. I think now that I do. It may sound stupid, but this is the first time I've ever done this. I know my friends have tried this before, but I've never had the guts.  
  
But I think I'm just as scared to live as I am to die.  
  
I sigh and snatch up the note. I don't have time to be doing this right now. I thought about everything last night.  
  
Nimbly I fold the paper and pick up the gun. The lunch bell is going to go in a minute. Idly I wonder who's going to find me. I'm doing it in the boys toilets so I know it won't be Marcy, god I hope she doesn't see my dead body. I feel so guilty for this - I wonder if they'll hate me for it, but if it helps, that'll make it all worthwhile.  
  
I look down at my watch, wow this'll be my last thought, maybe I should've made it a bit more worthwhile then just-  
  
~~~  
  
Dan bolted out of the room before the teacher could even give them permission to leave. God he needed to take a leak. Idly he wondered he wondered if Marcy would get him a hamburger before all the good ones were gone - He hated the ones that tasted of cold grease and fell apart before you had a chance to eat them. Knowing Marcy she'd probably give it to some starving year 8 while she was waiting for him.  
  
He pushed the toilet door and wrinkled his nose. Something really stank, but not a normal toilet smell.  
  
He looked down and froze, the thoughts which had earlier been racing through his head coming to a complete stop. That crumpled figure on the floor couldn't be a person. It didn't look like a person: It looked like a doll.  
  
His stomach heaved and he stumbled to the sink. He would have used the toilet but the body blocked the doorway. He wiped his mouth and spotted the bag on the bench next to the sink. He knew that bag with the thousands of stupid key rings and fuzzy clip-on-toys. Ben had gotten paid out by everyone when he announced he was going to collect them, but he'd collected them anyway.  
  
He reached out and his hand brushed a piece of paper folded next to the bag. With trembling fingers he picked it up, trying not to touch the tiny dots of blood. His eyes slid to his feet where his jeans were slowly soaking up the puddle of blood in which he stood.  
  
With a choked cry he jumped back, his eyes returning to the body on the floor... Ben...  
  
He dropped to his knees next to the body, "Ben," He shook the boy, "Get up man, this isn't funny dude. I'm gonna totally whoop your ass. Stop playing!"  
  
He pulled his hand away, staring in stupefied shock at the blood and small pieces of bone. "BEN! BEN!!!"  
  
The door opened and a teacher stepped into the toilet, "What's going on-" The words froze on his lips.  
  
~~~  
  
Matt looked up as the girl raced up to their table. Sandy - or something stupid like that.  
  
"Oh my god! Do you guys know if it's true or not?" She asked breathlessly, the smile never budging from her face.  
  
"What do you mean Sammy?" Sora asked. Sammy, yeah that was it. She was one of Sora's friends.  
  
"Ben Elliot just offed himself in the A-Block boys toilets. Do you guys wanna come take a gawk? I'm gonna go see if it's true or not!"  
  
"I'll come," Matt offered.  
  
Sora wrinkled her nose, "No thanks. I was eating you know Sammy."  
  
A couple of Sora's friends laughed.  
  
Sammy grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the toilet. Matt could see a couple of other students heading in that direction as well.  
  
He felt Sammy's grip on his hand tighten in excitement, "Wow, it must be over there, c'mon!"  
  
Matt couldn't help feeling excited as well. Imagine if someone really had killed themselves at his school. Who had she said: Ben Elliot? She must have got the name wrong. Ben was a cool guy, he was pretty much friends with everyone. Like he'd off himself.  
  
He stopped in his tracks as he took in the scene before him. There was a girl, Marcy, he vaguely remembered Ben talking about her. They were friends, about as close as he'd once been to Tai. There were tears streaming down her face as a friend Dee, he remembered her from one of his concerts, tried to console her even though she seemed to be crying almost as much.  
  
"Are you getting a good gawk you fucking insensitive cunts. One of your fellow classmates just killed himself, and you're acting like this is some cheap sideshow! Just fuck off!" Louie screamed, tears streaming down her face. Matt felt his heart clench. He knew Louie, he'd dated her in year 9.  
  
His eyes slid over to the blood-drenched boy standing near the toilet door. He could see Tai talking to him, and he vaguely wondered when Tai had met the boy. Dan wasn't much of a soccer player, he hung around more in Matts circle. With a heavy heart he made his way over to the two boys.  
  
"Hey, are you alright?" He asked in concern.  
  
The brunette let out a choked sob, and tears slid down his face, "No..." He sobbed out, "Matt... He's dead..."  
  
Matt found himself unable to speak as the boy looped his arms around Matt's neck and buried his face in the blonde's neck. Dan usually couldn't stand people touching him, he made a real thing of it. Shaking a little Matt brought his hands up to awkwardly pat the other boys back.  
  
Dan pulled away, "He was my best friend Matt."  
  
"Why would he do that?" Matt asked.  
  
Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out a slightly crumpled note. Matt could see a few bloodstains on it. They must have been from his jeans.  
  
"I have to go," The boy said. Matt watched him go and turned to Tai.  
  
"Hey," He said cautiously.  
  
"Hey," The other boy said absently, "I..." There was a pause, "I've gotta go."  
  
Matt stared at Tai's retreating back. Since when had he been closer to Dan then to Tai? Maybe things really had gone further then he thought.  
  
Dazedly Matt plodded back to the cafeteria, oblivious to the looks he was receiving until Sora gave a small cry when he reached their table.  
  
"Matt, what happened?"  
  
Matt looked down to see his clothes covered with blood where Dan had pressed against him.  
  
"It was true..." He muttered.  
  
"Matt?" Sora asked in concern.  
  
"I've got to go," Still dazed Matt walked out of the cafeteria, and out of the school. Nobody even tried to stop him, or talk to him, despite the fact that he was covered in blood, or maybe because of the fact that he was covered in blood.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
Authors Notes: We know we mostly had original characters in this chapter, you're going to have to wait till next chapter to see the others.  
  
Most of the original digidestined are in year 12 (like the boy who died). This fic won't be about the original characters, not really. The purpose was to set the scene. Next chapter everyone receives a strange letter and we see the digidestined being forced to face their inner demons, and that's what this fic is really about.  
  
Review if you want more. 


	2. Blood Will Flow, That's All It Knows

'Blood is Blood'  
  
By Kaizer K-chan and FireDemon  
  
Warnings: Suicide, Death, Angst, Drug-use, Yaoi (We can't resist) Mentions a lot of not nice stuff. This is a serious fic.  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Digimon or the song "Blood is Blood" by Nerina Pallot, but we suggest you listen to it. The storyline and all original characters belong to us, or the respective people they're based on. Please don't take them without permission.  
  
For the real Ben, rest in peace man.  
  
Chapter 2: Blood Will Flow, That's All It Knows  
  
"A tragic incident took place yesterday at Odaiba High School," The young reporter began, trying to look remorseful about the death of a boy she'd never even met. "Hysterical students and staff banded together for comfort, the school becoming a safe haven for the hundreds of fragile souls affected by the tragedy," The woman gave a smile, "We go now to Christine Hackett who will be talking to a couple of the boys close friends."  
  
~  
  
"So, what are your thoughts on this incident?" Asked the woman, giving her immaculately groomed peroxide-blond hair a swish.  
  
"He was a great guy. He was friends with everyone." Guy replied with a shrug, "It really makes you wonder."  
  
~  
  
"I can't understand why he'd do something like that. It's kind of stupid if you ask me. I mean Ben had the perfect life." Candy exclaimed, "I think suicide is totally selfish"  
  
~  
  
"I don't think I'm ever going to be able to go into the boys toilets again, it'd just freak me out, I mean yuck!" Bozzie exclaimed in disgust.  
  
~  
  
"He was a good team mate," Tai replied simply, "I wish he had have said something. Maybe one of us could have helped him."  
  
~  
  
"Well, I dunno, I didn't really know him that well, but I guess it just goes to prove you can never completely know anyone. I mean even his best friends didn't know," Canvas said glibly.  
  
~  
  
"Am I on T.V.? Hi Mom!" Ron exclaimed, waving furiously at the camera, "We're supposed to be talking about that dude eh? Er," He shrugged, "Never met him, but Motomiya plays soccer with him, you should ask him!"  
  
~  
  
"Just fucking get out of my face you insensitive pricks," Davis yelled, "He was a fucking brilliant guy. Can't you just let him rest you vultures?" There was a crackle as his fist connected with the camera.  
  
~  
  
The woman froze with the cigarette halfway to her lipstick coated lips, "Shit! Are we on?" She tossed the half finished cigarette away, "Those were some very interesting comments," She shot a glare at someone off camera, then hastily forced a practised smile onto her face, showing her perfectly straight white teeth, "We'll leave you now with images of the distraught teens." The screen faded to black, then pictures of students huddling out the front of the school, some crying, some ranting, but a lot of them just wandering around with dazed expressions, not knowing what to do, filled the screen.  
  
~~~  
  
Joe flipped off the TV in disgust, he had to agree with Davis's comment, he remembered Ben from last year.  
  
They'd had a couple of 'deep-and-meaningful's when Ben had been caught cutting class and Joe had been assigned detention duty. He was an alright guy, Joe had really opened up to him during one of their conversations on the woes of the world.  
  
For such a cheery guy he seemed to have very melancholy moments. For some reason his suicide didn't surprise Joe as much as it should have.  
  
He wondered how Tai and Davis felt, unlike him they were actually friends with the boy. He briefly considered calling them, and then he shook his head: It had been way too long.  
  
~~~  
  
Ken walked down the hall; his mind whirling, to think this time yesterday things had been normal. He tried to ignore the gossipping students, he supposed it wasn't their fault, class had been cancelled, and nobody had anything else to do. School-provided counsellors waited in their offices, but nobody wanted to be the first to break down. The gossipping was just their way of coping.  
  
He'd only ever really met Ben once, yet every time they passed in the hall Ben had said hi. It never failed to surprise him that the older boy actually remembered his name.  
  
He walked out of the hall to see the A-Block Boy's toilets and froze. There was crime-scene tape around the door, preventing students from entering. This was definitely ironic, as the place of Bens death was where their one and only meeting had taken place.  
  
//Flashback//  
  
Ken stepped out of the cubicle, wrinkling his nose at the distinct musty sweet smell of marijuana that always permeated this particular toilet- block. Usually he avoided these toilets, but he was in a hurry today.  
  
He sighed when he spotted the young man slouched against the sink, a silver pipe decorated with blue and pink star-sequins that had obviously been glued on, held lightly in his hand. Here was the culprit of today's freshening of the odour.  
  
Ken washed his hands, avoiding eye-contact in the hope it would discourage the boy from talking: No such luck.  
  
"Hey man, don't I know you?" The black-haired stoner asked.  
  
"No." Ken said shortly, punching the button of the hand drier in a futile attempt to get it to work for more then 2 seconds.  
  
"Dude don't even bother, that thing hasn't worked since, I don't know..." He trailed off giggling.  
  
Ken tried to ignore him, "Oh."  
  
"Hey, aren't you that guy that's always watching Motomiya at our games?"  
  
Ken inhaled sharply; "I don't know what you're talking about." He said a little bit too quickly.  
  
"Me either. I'm Ben." He tried to put on a suave and debonair voice, "Ben Elliot," The boy held out his hand, "I would say James Bond, but some asshole stole my name."  
  
Ken couldn't help but smile, reaching out to shake hands politely, "I'm Ken Ichijouji."  
  
"Dude, you're THE Ken. I thought you were like Motomiya's stalker or something, but you're Ken. That's so cool." He pumped Kens hand furiously.  
  
Ken tried to pry his hand away from the boy, "That's right. You're the vice- captain of the soccer team aren't you?"  
  
"I am? That's pretty cool. You're pretty smart Ken, you must be some kind of genius!"  
  
Ken smiled at the irony, "Actually I am."  
  
"That's cool," The boy nodded, "Wanna choof?" He offered Ken the gaudy pipe.  
  
"No thank you." Ken replied politely.  
  
"You don't mind if I stand here and blow it in your face then do you?" He asked taking a toke and blowing the fumes into Kens face.  
  
Ken spluttered, his eyes watering from the smoke, "I really have to go."  
  
"Dude, you've just been. Got the runs have you?" He asked.  
  
"No," Ken replied awkwardly, "I have a class." He quickly made for the door.  
  
"You're not going to leave me all alone are you?" There was something in the voice that stopped Ken in his tracks. It was the same tone Davis used when he was asking for something but didn't want anyone to realise how much he wanted it.  
  
Ken sighed and released the knob, "Alright, I'll stay."  
  
The boy grinned at him, "Cool. Sure you don't want a toke?"  
  
Ken sighed, "Okay, maybe one. I don't want to get high."  
  
Ben grinned, "Sure, sure, but I should warn you, I've got good shit."  
  
Ken took a long breath, and felt his lungs contract as they filled with smoke, he spluttered loudly, his nose running.  
  
"That's the way man, take it all in," Ben laughed, thumping him on the back.  
  
Ken slumped down next to the boy, "No more!" He gasped.  
  
Ben took a deep breath through the pipe, swallowing the noxious gas as though it were oxygen, "Whatever you say. Man I can't believe you and Motomiya..."  
  
Ken blushed, "We're only friends."  
  
"...Are friends," He blinked, "Huh? I never said otherwise," The boy gave him a sideways look, "You like him!" He accused triumphantly.  
  
"No!" Ken denied pathetically, perhaps he shouldn't have had the one puff.  
  
"Oh, you can spill it all to your good friend Ben." Ben said draping an arm around his shoulders, "I'm gay you know."  
  
Ken flushed, "Are you really?"  
  
"Only when I'm *really* happy," He giggled, "Now spill the beans my good friend Ken."  
  
"Good friend?" Ken questioned.  
  
"This conversation has lasted more then 5 minutes, that makes us good friends." Ben explained confidently.  
  
"Oh, okay then Good Friend Ben," Ken giggled at him rhyme, no wonder he was acing English.  
  
"So, what do you like about him?" Ben questioned, "His eyes? His smile? His hair?" He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "His tight little butt? Hi smooth supple golden skin?"  
  
Ken felt like his cheeks were on fire, "Everything," He whispered.  
  
Ben burst out laughing, "Whipped, Whipped!" He screamed.  
  
"Shoosh!" Ken yelled even louder, "I'm the one with the whip."  
  
Ben laughed even harder, "I like your style Good Friend Ken."  
  
"Well I think you're loud Good Friend Ben."  
  
"Loud?" Ben questioned, "You should hear me in bed."  
  
Ken blushed again.  
  
"So why haven't you made a move on him?" Ben asked  
  
"I...I couldn't. What if he said no? What if he never wanted to talk to me again?" Ken replied.  
  
"Pfft!" Ben dismissed, "There's something more! Why haven't you asked Davis Motomiya out?" Ben yelled.  
  
"Shh!" Ken lunged forward to cover Bens big mouth, surreptitiously checking to see that the cubicle really was empty.  
  
"So why?" Ben asked more quietly.  
  
"My parents they... they wouldn't like it. Sam was straight so I have to be straight too."  
  
"Oh. Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm trying to finish Yr 12 since Levi didn't get the chance. My parents tell me that's what he wanted to do, more then anything."  
  
Ken noticed the sadness in Ben's voice and put his arm around Bens shoulder too, "Great. Now we're sad," Ken bemoaned.  
  
Ben offered Ken the freshly packed pipe, "Want another toke, Good Friend Ken?"  
  
Ken accepted, "Okay Good Friend Ben."  
  
//End Flashback//  
  
That was the only time he'd smoked marijuana, and despite the fact that he'd gotten caught and gotten into a hell of a lot of trouble with his parents, he didn't regret it.  
  
Sometimes it helped to air things out before putting them back away. He knew that he and Ben had similar problems, Ken couldn't help but wonder if he'd be the next one they took out of the toilets in a body bag. Maybe Ben was right... Maybe life wasn't worth living. Especially if it wasn't your life you were living.  
  
~~~  
  
"Davis!" Yolei cried, "Are the rumours true?"  
  
Davis pulled a sour face, "I've heard enough rumours thank you very much."  
  
Yolei rolled her eyes, "But I need to know," she pleaded, "Did you really try to strangle reporter-barbie with her microphone cord?"  
  
"Unfortunately not," Louie cut in, "We tried, but she was just too fast."  
  
"Damn," sighed Shannon, "I wish I could run that fast in heels."  
  
Yolei shot the blond a look, "You do realise you're a guy?"  
  
Shannon looked down, "My god, 'Lei you're right! I never even noticed. So that's what it is. So now that I'm a guy and you're a girl..."  
  
Yolei scowled.  
  
"Let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing."  
  
The entire group ignored him, "Davey did punch out the camera," Dee informed helpfully.  
  
Davis held out his bloody hand for inspection.  
  
Yolei let out a low whistle, "Shit Davey-boy, maybe you should go to the nurse's office and get that checked out."  
  
Davis shook his head resolutely, "Nu-uh, I wanna see this 'Lei."  
  
"What?" Yolei questioned, peering past Davis, "Hey! You're not supposed to have those at school!"  
  
Kai's green eyes flickered up to Yolei; "You got a problem, deal."  
  
"No problem," Yolei quickly replied. While the rest of the group was weird, Kai was just plain freaky.  
  
Kai dismissed Yolei as unimportant and went back to her cards. She was sitting cross legged in the centre of the school oval, her 'altered' school uniform might have brought stares, had it been anyone else.  
  
"You guys?" She brought the groups attention back to her as she dealt her angel cards.  
  
"What does it say?' Davis crowed excitedly.  
  
Kai bent over her cards, "This card's out of context. It's the one I use to symbolise Dan. And this one's Ben," She pointed out the two cards, "There's something here about a message..."  
  
~~~  
  
Jess ran through the gates,  
  
"Oh, I'm late, I'm late!" She cried through the piece of toast clenched between her teeth.  
  
She skidded to a halt, noting that while it should have been halfway through first lesson, nobody seemed to be in class.  
  
She recognised one of the girls standing next to the building, Sora Take-a- something from her Home-Ec class. They'd talked about Sailor Moon once or twice.  
  
"Sora, what's going on?" She asked.  
  
"Yo, Jess right?" the girl asked, "Didn't you hear? Ben Elliot killed himself-"  
  
Sora broke off as the girl's face crumpled, and she remembered that Jess was actually one of the dead kids friends, "Oh shit Jess I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that."  
  
Jess let out a horrified scream, "No! Ben!"  
  
Sora watched in horrified shock as the girl slumped to the ground that eerie wailing unceasing.  
  
"Is this one of your friends?" It took Sora a moment to realise there was a camera in her face, and the question was directed at her, "What's her name? How does she know Ben? Were they lovers?" The blond woman asked breathlessly as the camera-man swung the camera round to focus on Jess.  
  
Sora's control snapped, and she grabbed the woman by her fake blond hair, "Get bent bitch!" She brought the woman's head down on her knee, there was a tiny squeak, Sora dissatisfied by the noise threw the woman at the camera- man sending the expensive machinery crashing to the floor. "Heartless motherfucks," she brought her foot down on the camera, blinking as the blood lust cleared from her eyes.  
  
The two reporters stared up at Sora, terrified. She smiled sweetly, "I would say sorry, but I'm not. I believe Principle Kennet warned you that some students might become violent, maybe next time you'll take him more seriously."  
  
She stalked away, ushering Jess forward, "C'mon let's go find your friends," She said, still feeling incredibly guilty over causing the girl such grief.  
  
~~~  
  
Cody carelessly flicked through the channels, he had the chicken pox and his mother had refused to let him go to school.  
  
Idly he reached out to scratch his arm, something glittery green caught his eye and he scowled seeing the note his mother had written on his hand - No Scratching.  
  
His eyes flickered up to the television screen and he let out a yelp of surprise as he recognised one of his friend's many older sisters, Louie Jones. She had a trolley pole tucked into the back of her pleated skirt and looked like some twisted avenging angel as she spray-painted 'Nosy pricks' onto the bonnet of a the Channel 7 car while other male students jumped up and down on the roof, or attacked it with their own trolley poles. There was a voice talking over the action,  
  
"While some students mourned quietly, others felt the need to lash out at innocent bystanders."  
  
The scene changed and Cody felt his jaw drop open,  
  
"Just fucking get out of my face you insensitive pricks," Davis yelled, "He was a fucking brilliant guy. Can't you just let him rest you vultures?" There was a crackle as his fist connected with the camera.  
  
"Some reacted violently, and without provocation,"  
  
The scene changed again,  
  
Cody felt his jaw drop to his knees as Sora's normally smiling face flashed onto the screen and heard the unnaturally explicit language coming from the bearer of the crest of love.  
  
"Get bent bitch!" The very angry looking Sora brought the woman's head down on her knee.  
  
Cody watched in shock as Sora threw the woman at the camera-man sending the expensive machinery crashing to the floor. "Heartless motherfucks," she brought her foot down on the camera.  
  
Maybe he didn't know the digidestined as well as he'd thought. Since when had Sora had a violent streak towards innocent reporters.  
  
"No provocation my eye," He muttered, idly scratching several of the itchy red dots, "Wish I knew what had really happened."  
  
~~~  
  
"Miss George," Izzy asked concernedly, "Are you alright."  
  
The woman sniffled, "I'm fine Izzy, just a little... shocked is all. Ben was a good kid; he was very good at communicating with people. He always listened to my problems, I was his care teacher, I should have taken the time to listen to his."  
  
Hesitantly Izzy placed a hand on the woman's shoulder, "It wasn't your fault."  
  
"Maybe if I hadn't pushed him so hard to finish year 12..." She murmured.  
  
"That is a highly illogical assumption," Izzy corrected gently sitting down beside his favourite computer teacher.  
  
"I know, but I can't help but feel it's my fault."  
  
Izzy sighed and looked down at his lap, unable to think of a response.  
  
~~~  
  
Kari looked up, as Mary-Jane walked through the gates, halfway through lunch, not that it really mattered since no one was going to class anyway.  
  
"Hey MJ, I thought you'd be at home today."  
  
The girl shrugged, her brown hair looked unbrushed, her make-up suspiciously absent. "I just had to get out. Everyone's there, and they can't even wait till he's in the ground before they start in on me. It's fucking disrespectful." She said blankly.  
  
"Are you alright?" Kari asked hesitantly.  
  
MJ burst into tears, throwing her arms around Kari's shoulders, "No, I found this," she thrust the piece of paper into Kari's hand, "I haven't told Mum yet, it's his will. He's been planning this for so long that he had his own fucking will written out."  
  
She pulled back to look at Kari, "What sort of sister am I? I didn't even notice he was sad. He was always smiling. How could I have known?" Her voice cracked as she practically begged for Kari to tell her it wasn't her fault.  
  
"It wasn't your fault," Kari complied, hugging the girl again.  
  
T.K. noticed the dishevelled reporters heading for Kari and the sobbing MJ and hastily cut them off, flashing the bloody nosed blond woman his most dashing smile, "What a bitch of a day to get dumped by your boyfriend." He said trying not to laugh at the woman's missing clumps of hair and the camera mans torn and stained clothing. It looked as if the two were doing on report on world war 3, rather then the death of a single high school student.  
  
The woman looked at him in surprised distaste, "Excuse me?"  
  
"Mary-Jane," He gestured to the crying brunette, "That's my girlfriend comforting her. Her asshole of a boyfriend just dumped her," He grinned at the camera man, who was eying him fearfully through his two black eyes  
  
"So, do you want to interview me?"  
  
"Did you know him?" She asked eagerly  
  
"Hell yes. Beautiful kid. Tall like a basketball player. Also a gay alien."  
  
The woman snapped her mouth shut, hiding the fact that she was missing one or two of her teeth, "Thank you for your comments, but I think we have enough."  
  
T.K. smirked as the two oozed away, inordinately proud of himself. Those anger-control classes were really paying off. Maybe he should wheedle Davis into going. If the rumours he'd heard were true it was his fault that there were a few 'less then healthy' reporters wandering the school.  
  
He was headed towards the two girls when one of his team mates rushed up, "Dude, did you hear? Sora Takenouchi decked that blond reporter bitch."  
  
T.K. laughed, sweet little Sora in a fight with that bitch, it's a good thing he hadn't placed bets because he would have lost.  
  
"Go spread the word my main man," He replied, still grinning, "I think she broke the sluts nose. I'll be with Kar and MJ."  
  
Guy suddenly looked grim, "Look after her man," He held his hand for their elaborate parting shake.  
  
With one final salute Guy headed across the oval towards the biggest gossips in the school.  
  
T.K. walked over to the two girls and hugged them both in turn,  
  
"Hey MJ, I'm sorry."  
  
She looked at T.K. with tear filled eyes, "Not as sorry as I am."  
  
~~~  
  
Dan hurried across the oval, past the few stragglers heading out the gates and towards Kai who hadn't moved all day.  
  
He dropped the bundle of photocopies in Kai's lap. "This is all I could afford. So what do we do now?"  
  
With a tired sigh Kai touched the pile, "This isn't enough."  
  
"But what do we do?"  
  
"There's a photocopier in the front office, you don't have to pay to use that." Yolei suggested  
  
Kai nodded at the girl, "Yes."  
  
Dee helped her up while Dan and Davis gathered up the 300-or-so copies of the letter.  
  
Yolei bent to pick up Kai's cards and the girl slapped her hands away.  
  
"My cards," She growled.  
  
Dee grinned at Yolei's slightly hurt face, "Ignore Kai. She's paranoid. She thinks her cards are going to leave her for someone else."  
  
Yolei nodded, "This way," She led the group towards the office.  
  
They walked for about a metre before Dan stopped in his tracks, "Louie, why is there a trolley pole in the back of your skirt?"  
  
"Just in case my peroxided-friend turns up again," She said, a fox-like grin on her face.  
  
"Don't hold your breath," Dee warned.  
  
Louie sighed happily, "We can always Dream."  
  
Authors Notes: To begin with, we feel the swearing was necessary for the reader to truly experience the type of thoughts one has when something like this happens.  
  
Neither K-chan nor I believe drug use is a good thing. Ken is a bad boy, he should be punished, but we'll leave that to Dai. The Kensuke was an accident, Scouts Honour!  
  
The original characters well they're needed and we hope you love them as much as we do. Sorry for there being so many.  
  
Next chapter everyone actually will get the letters. We ran out of time - and patience - glares at song title "Patience". We'll definitely have the letter next chapter, we didn't realise how much we had to have happening this chapter.  
  
And finally, the media, forgive us if we seem a bit harsh on them, this is our revenge, since this fic deal with 'issues' we decided it was best to get rid of certain festering wounds. While no one at K-chans school actually bet up any reporters, the channel 7 car (minus the spray paint) did actually happen. What can we say, we're savages, we live at the bottom of the world. ^_^'  
  
No reporters were actually harmed in the writing of this fic *wistful sigh*  
  
And for anyone who doesn't know what a trolley pole is, it's the plastic handle of the shopping trolleys you can get at any good shopping mall. We hear Woolworths/Safeway are the best, as they don't shatter on impact. If you don't live in Australia then we can't help you.  
  
By the way, T.K.'s description of Ben is from Cowboy Bebop which we don't own. We hope we got the quotes right, it's been a while and we only saw it in Japanese anyway. 


	3. Tinkerbell My Winged Friend, I Think We ...

'Blood is Blood'  
  
By Kaizer K-chan and FireDemon  
  
Warnings: Suicide, Death, Angst, Drug-use, Yaoi (We can't resist) Mentions a lot of not nice stuff. This is a serious fic. TAITO, KENSUKE - It just snuck in. *sighs miserably* We were really looking forward to writing SORATO *gags*  
  
This is chapter is dedicated to angel of peace, who gave us our first review. We noticed you like TAITO so bon appetit. This wasn't supposed to be a romance goddamnit. We'll get to the angst *soon* Very soon. *Glares at nonexistent angst*  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Digimon or the song "Blood is Blood" by Nerina Pallot, but we suggest you listen to it. The storyline and all original characters belong to us, or the respective people they're based on. Please don't take them without permission.  
  
For the real Ben, rest in peace man.  
  
Chapter 3: Tinkerbell My Winged Friend, I Think We Got It Wrong  
  
Tai walked through the gates and into the school, and was surprised to see everyone milling out the front. What had happened now? He braced for another tragedy as one of his friends came rushing up.  
  
"Yo Tai, you just get here?"  
  
"Yeah, what's going on?" Tai asked warily.  
  
"Apparently last night someone broke into the school and put these up everywhere," He indicated to the various pieces of paper people were holding.  
  
"What are they?" Tai asked.  
  
"Dude, just go get one. They're everywhere. Apparently there's not a blank piece of paper left in the entire school."  
  
Tai nodded his thanks and walked over to the pin up board the boy had indicated, and tore the letter off the board.  
  
~~~  
  
Matt opened his locker trying to ignore the students who were still talking excitedly about the reporter who'd end up being hospitalised after visiting the school. The reporters were now respecting students rights and staying off the grounds.  
  
He stared at the folded piece of paper in his locker for a moment before carefully taking it out and unfolding it.  
  
He stared at the letter for a few moments before he read through it. Somehow he knew it wasn't a joke. His eyes slipped down to the black spots on the photocopied paper and he remembered the creased letter Dan had pulled from his pocket. Now he knew the blood hadn't come from Dans jeans.  
  
Bile rose in his throat and he spun on his heel, and ran for the nearest toilets. It was only after he'd finished throwing up and flushed the toilet that he looked around and realised where he was. He was in the A-Block Boys toilets. He let out a squeak and climbed onto the toilet seat, staring at the floor fearfully, just waiting for the blood to come seeping under the cubicle door.  
  
He couldn't go out there, he didn't want to see Ben slumped against the wall, blood trickling down his arms, his eyes staring straight at Matt as though he was still telling Matt all her secrets. He stared at the floor, he mustn't get blood on his feet: his parent's would get angry.  
  
He let out a small sob as he sunk down so he was sitting on the seat of the toilet, his arms wrapped around his knees as he let the tears stream down his face.  
  
~~~  
  
"Yo Takaishi, is it true?" One of the cheerleaders asked excitedly.  
  
"Is what true?" T.K. asked cautiously. He'd heard the phrase more times then he could remember in the past two days.  
  
"I just heard your brother tried to off himself in the A-Block boys toilet." She replied, blinking when T.K. stared at her in horrified shock, "Don't worry about it man. MJ didn't know about Ben either. I guess you guys really don't know your older siblings."  
  
MJ stepped forward, "You bitch!" She hissed, "If Matt really did try to kill himself it's not T.K.'s fault he didn't know Matt felt like that!"  
  
T.K. hastily stepped in between the two girls, "Calm down MJ. I'm sure it's just a rumour." He glared at the cheerleader.  
  
"Let's go see if he's alright," Suggested Kari.  
  
~~~  
  
"Tai! You know that Ishida kid eh?" Bozzie yelled.  
  
"Matt, yeah, I know him," Tai confirmed, wondering why anyone would talk to him about Matt. They hadn't talked properly in years.  
  
"Right. He went into the A-Block toilets and nobody can get him out," He shuddered, "I don't know why he went in there in the first place. I wouldn't go in there if you paid me!"  
  
"Thanks," Tai replied, already making a break for the boys toilets.  
  
There was a crowd around the toilets, but nobody seemed to be making any moves to go in. He spotted Dan on the edge of the crowd, some girl, obviously his girlfriend, was hugging him reassuringly.  
  
"Oy, Rack off. If you need to take a leak, take it elsewhere, and if you're just here to gawk, me and Mr. Trolley Pole have a couple of objections." Louie whipped the trolley pole out of her bag.  
  
Luckily most people knew better then to incur Louies wrath, and the rest just followed the crowd, leaving Tai, Dan, and Dan's girlfriend alone with the angry girl and her trolley pole.  
  
"What do you want Kamiya and you'd better make it good!" Louie threatened.  
  
"Is... Someone told me Matt was in there..." Tai began.  
  
"He could be."  
  
"Is he okay?" Tai asked.  
  
"What's it to you?" Louie snapped  
  
"He's my best friend," Tai said automatically, even though they hadn't really even been friends in ages.  
  
"You'd better not be making this up to get a look." She finally relented, "I need your help."  
  
"Why?" Tai asked.  
  
"I can't carry him out myself," She said quietly, "And Dan can't bring himself to go in after what he saw last time."  
  
Tai pushed past her, and into the toilet, "Matt! Matt, are you okay?" He asked loudly.  
  
There was no answer, but Louie pointed towards the locked cubicle.  
  
Tai nodded, "Matt," He knocked on the door, "It's me, Tai. C'mon out. I'll protect you, I promise."  
  
He heard a muffled sob, but the door didn't open.  
  
He stepped back, then kicked it off its hinges. Matt sat huddled on the toilet seat, rocking back and forth, his hands over his ears.  
  
Without a second thought Tai pulled the boy into a hug, "Matt, it's okay. It's me."  
  
Matt looked up at him, "Tai?" He whispered weakly, sounding like a lost child.  
  
"It's okay, it's me. I'm here. Now c'mon Matt, lets get out of here."  
  
Tai felt the tremor that racked Matt's body, "I can't. I'll get blood on my feet, then Mum and Dad will be angry at me."  
  
Tai tried to hide his confusion, there was no blood on the floor and Matts parents never got angry at him, he didn't really see them enough for that. "What blood?" He asked, addressing the easier question.  
  
"It's on the floor. Please Tai, don't make me touch it."  
  
Tai carefully picked the lighter blond up, "Okay Matt. I'll carry you out."  
  
Matt buried his face in Tai's neck, "Don't make me look at it."  
  
"Okay Matt," Tai repeated. Louie gave Tai a curious look. Tai shook his head and the three walked out of the bathroom together, Matt still carried gently in Tai's arms.  
  
Louie reached out to gently ruffle Matts hair,  
  
"Can Tai put you down now?" She asked. Matt clutched tighter at Tais neck and shook his head.  
  
"It's okay," Tai murmured softly, "I'll take him home. If any of the teachers are curious you can tell them that."  
  
She nodded, "Oh, by the way Matt, you dropped this," She offered him the letter.  
  
Matt shook his head again; "I don't want it."  
  
"Why not?" Louie asked, feeling vaguely hurt.  
  
"It has blood on it," Matt whispered snuggling closer to Tai.  
  
"How did you..." Louie trailed off, "Never mind."  
  
Dan and his girl walked up; "We'll walk you to the gates." The girl said, "I'm walking Dan home anyway."  
  
Dan smiled, "Thanks Dee."  
  
The group walked to the front gates, ignoring all the strange stares that Tai holding Matt earned.  
  
~~~  
  
"Is Matt okay?" T.K. burst out as soon as he recognised the girl out the front of the toilets and her trolley pole.  
  
"Oh yeah. He went home with that Tai Kamiya kid. They looked fairly cozy so I said I'd cover for them."  
  
Kari blinked, "For real? That's so weird. It seems like only yesterday Tai was declaring he'd never talk to Matt again. Oh, that's right, it was yesterday," She grinned at T.K. "How they went from being best friends to that I'll never know."  
  
T.K. grinned back, "So Matt's okay?" He affirmed.  
  
"I'm not too sure. I think you should go see him when school gets out. As long as Tai stays with him he should be okay. What happened between those two anyway?"  
  
Kari shrugged, "We're not sure. Tai said something about a party. Matt never really explained anything. They used to do everything together, but just before they started year 9 they suddenly stopped talking. It was way weird."  
  
"Alright," Louie waved as she turned to leave then spun to look at T.K., "By the way T.K. I saw you on the news last night. I especially liked the part about the gay alien."  
  
T.K. grinned back; "Sometimes I thought he really was one."  
  
Louie burst out laughing, "Sometimes he did too."  
  
~~~  
  
"Hey girlfriend," Sammy chirped, plopping down into the seat beside Sora, "You won't believe what I just heard."  
  
"What?" Sora asked curiously, it seemed like she'd heard over a hundred rumours just today.  
  
"Well..." Sammy began, "You know that bitch Candy?"  
  
Sora remembered her archenemy with distaste, "Yeah?"  
  
"Apparently Mr. Gavini had to stop her from jumping out of the second story windows. She went totally nuts when she read that letter, started spouting off about some dead cousin of hers and a ruined birthday. What an utter twit! To bad she didn't jump!"  
  
Sora forced a laugh, "Yeah, too bad."  
  
"So what did you think of the letter? I think it's somebody's idea of a sick joke personally."  
  
Sora shrugged, "I can't be bothered reading it."  
  
"Der, get with the program Sora. You have to read it at least once. Just in case it's for real."  
  
"What's so important about it?" Sora asked  
  
"It's supposed to be Ben's suicide note. Somebody used up all the paper in the school photocopying it. I can't believe you haven't seen it, they were everywhere this morning."  
  
"I was late," Sora explained, "Do you have a copy?"  
  
"Nah, not on me, but check your locker. Everyone else had on in their lockers."  
  
Sora was about to stand when another girl skidded to a halt in front of her, "Hey, you used to date Matt Ishida didn't you?"  
  
Sora blinked, "I still do." She corrected.  
  
"No shit?" The girl crowed, "This just keeps getting better and better. You know that soccer jock Tai Kamiya, he and Matt just had wild animal sex in the A-Block boys toilets, while that freak Louie Jones watched. Tai just carried him out of the school. 3 guesses at what they're doing right now!"  
  
Sora froze, as the girl's words sunk in. Tai was supposed to be one of her friends, well, sort of. Some friend. She grabbed her cell phone out of her bag and quickly punched in Matts number. The phone rang a few times before it was answered by a breathless Tai.  
  
"Hello, Ishida residence. This is Tai."  
  
Sora's heart clenched, "Hello there Tai Ishida."  
  
"Hey Sora," The boy said with a chuckle.  
  
"What are you doing at Matt's place?" Her voice rose slightly in pitch.  
  
"I was just putting Matt to bed. He's just fallen asleep. He's had a very tiring day, I'd rather not wake him again."  
  
Sora felt her blood boil, "You know what Tai? Fuck you!"  
  
Her two friends recoiled at the volume of her voice and all heads snapped towards her.  
  
"I don't care if you are fucking stealing my boyfriend right out from underneath my nose but if your planning on fucking Matt at least tell me so I can dump him first. In fact fuck that. Tell Matt he's dumped, and I hope you both rot in hell you fags!"  
  
Sora ignored Tai's muffled, "Wha?!?" and hit the end call button.  
  
Every person in the school cafeteria was staring at her in shock, several people exited at a run to spread the news.  
  
Sora glared at the silent room, "What?!"  
  
Everyone quickly went back to their meals.  
  
~~~  
  
Ken cringed away from the extremely loud voice.  
  
"Dria," He greeted, trying to pry the brunette's death-grip glomp from around his arm.  
  
"Hi Ken," The girl giggled, "Who's your friend?" When Davis didn't answer in time she grinned, "Okay I'll just call you Ken's boyfriend."  
  
Both boys went red.  
  
"So cute! You're blushing. Maybe you can do me a favour and see Louie!"  
  
"What? Why?" Davis asked, recovering from his blushing fit first.  
  
"You mean you haven't heard?" The girls green eyes fixed on him, "Tai Kamiya and Matt Ishida had wild rampant animal comfort sex in the A-Block Boys toilets and Louie taped the whole thing. And now she's selling copies to the whole school. Sora Takenouchi got a hold of one and dumped Matt in front of the school cafeteria. Apparently she's decided to go lesbian. Do you think I have a chance?"  
  
Ken spluttered, "I-I don't know!"  
  
The girl shrugged, "Okay. Now go see Louie, and I want a copy of that video since I found you two out first."  
  
Davis stared after the girl, "What the hell was she talking about?"  
  
Ken blushed, "I have no idea."  
  
~~~  
  
"Hey you! You'll never believe it!" The girl crowed.  
  
"What?" Izzy asked wearily.  
  
"Tai and Matt Ishida have eloped. They're going to Los Vegas for their honeymoon and apparently Tai was the BRIDE," she squealed excitedly, "And Sora Takenouchi dumped them both in the school cafeteria and Mr Diddy rushed to her side to comfort her. I hear they're heading towards a secluded broom closet right now!"  
  
Izzy blinked in shock, it wasn't often his old friends were the subject of rumours. "Ah, thanks... you."  
  
The brunette grinned crookedly, her bright green eyes gleaming. "No problem, you."  
  
She dashed off, the too short pleated skirt giving Izzy an eyeful.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
The girl spun, "Yeah?"  
  
"Do you know where I can get a copy of the letter?"  
  
"You mean you haven't read it yet?" She asked, "Go check your locker."  
  
~~~  
  
Tai hung up the phone, his ear ringing slightly from Sora's yelling. His best friend had just had a mental break down and now he was supposed to tell Matt that his girlfriend of almost a year had broken up with him.  
  
Sora had obviously been misinformed, as soon as he and Matt explained everything she'd forgive Matt and he and Matt could go back to dating. No Sora and Matt could go back to dating.  
  
He and Matt had broken up their friendship a long time ago. It suddenly occurred to him that he'd lied about being Matts best friend. He and Matt hadn't been best friends since Bib's party almost 3 years ago.  
  
//Flashback//  
  
"So who the hell is Bib?" Tai asked, linking his arm through Matts with a grin.  
  
"No, that's B period, I period, B period. Stands for Boy In Bathroom. He couldn't remember his name when we met."  
  
Tai gave Matt a horrified look, "We're going to a complete strangers party?"  
  
"I was invited," Matt defended.  
  
Their conversation was interrupted by a short black haired boy with an eyebrow ring.  
  
"I know you! Tai Kamiya you bad boy, what are you doing here?"  
  
Tai sighed, "Hi Ben."  
  
"That's Good Friend Ben to you Good Friend Tai. And how are you two lovely ladies tonight?"  
  
"We're guys," Tai pointed out glumly.  
  
"Oh I know you are," He dismissed Tai, "What's your name gorgeous?" He asked fingering Matt's hair.  
  
"Matt, " Matt replied gruffly.  
  
"Oh wow, major mistake. It's a good thing I'm gay."  
  
"You are?" Matt asked, giving Tai a sideways look.  
  
Tai chorused along with the black haired 'gay'.  
  
"Only, when I'm *really* happy." Ben grinned.  
  
Tai rolled his eyes.  
  
"I'm a gay alien, see?" He pointed to the two party hats covering his ears and held to his face by elastic.  
  
Tai's attention wandered and he spotted a pair of breasts attached to a nice girl, and decided to go ask them... her to dance.  
  
Matt turned to Ben, "So what now Good Friend Ben?"  
  
"Would you like to get gay with me, Good Friend Matt?" Ben asked.  
  
Matt shrugged, "Why not."  
  
~  
  
When Tai returned to where he'd last seen Matt and Ben he found them studiously gluing pink and blue sequins onto Ben's silver pipe. They appeared to be pulling them off someone's very skimpy shirt. Tai had a feeling he'd rather not know how they'd gotten possession of the shirt. The two were giggling each time they glued on a star.  
  
"Are you okay Matt?"  
  
Matt grinned, "I'm fine, I'm just very, very gay!"  
  
"He's very gay Good Friend Tai," Ben added in a stage whisper.  
  
"Matt?" Tai repeated, "Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
"Yes. I'm just gay. Oh and I'm in love with you."  
  
Tai's mouth dropped open.  
  
"You're supposed to say I love you too. Feel the gayness." He offered Tai his pipe.  
  
Tai pushed it away, "Matt..." Tai repeated for the third time. Apparently this translated as I love you too, to Matt.  
  
"I'm glad you feel the same way," He pounced on Tai, meshing their mouths together.  
  
Ben nodded sagely, "My work here is done. I'm off to spread the gayness."  
  
Tai was too busy taking off Matts shirt to notice Ben stumbling over the two of them as they rolled about on the floor.  
  
//End Flashback//  
  
Of course the next morning when Matt woke up he'd explained that he often said he didn't mean when he was stoned.  
  
And that had been the end of their friendship.  
  
Tai hated to admit it but he was gay even when he wasn't really happy.  
  
~~~  
  
Izzy pulled the letter out of his locker, he felt kind of stupid. He'd been avoiding the note all day, illogical, but he was all the same.  
  
His black eyes scanned the words, pausing as a single sentence caught his attention. The paper dropped from his nerveless fingers as he repeated the line out loud,  
  
"That's not normal..." He whispered.  
  
His shoulders shook and he stumbled towards the boys locker rooms, tears still streaming down his face.  
  
He turned on the water and slumped to the ground still fully clothed as the heated spray soaked him through.  
  
The water sliding down his face mingled with his tears.  
  
Crumpled on the bottom of the shower Izzy sobbed, the single line still running through his head, 'That's not normal.'  
  
~~~  
  
"Marcy?" MJ whispered, "It's me, MJ."  
  
"Oh, Hey MJ." Marcy said with a forced smile, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Uh..." MJ thrust several leather-bound books at Marcy, "Marcy, Ben... wanted you to have these."  
  
Marcy stared down at them, "But... these are his diaries...?"  
  
"He left a will and he wants you to have these," MJ turned away, hiding the tears in her eyes.  
  
"MJ, wait..." Marcy called out.  
  
MJ turned back as the older girl hugged her, "I'm really, really sorry that I didn't see this coming."  
  
MJ pulled back, "Do you think I'm a bad sister?"  
  
"Of course not. Ben always said how much he loved you."  
  
"The last words I said to him were 'I wish you'd just go away and leave me alone'." MJ looked up through her tears, "I didn't mean it. Marcy I swear I didn't mean it."  
  
Marcy wanted to comfort her, to say that Ben knew it wasn't true, but what if he hadn't?  
  
MJ swallowed, "Yeah," she said and turned away, Marcy's silence was more cutting then anything she could have said.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
Authors Notes: Hmm, to begin with the Taito. We're not quite sure how or when this happened, like the Kensuke it just kind of snuck up on us. The Sorato got shot to hell, god I love gossip (Except when it's about me. Being asked 16 times in one day if I *really* had a threesome isn't my idea of a good time... but if it was anyone else *grins*)  
  
Have any of you noticed that a lot of our original characters have 3 letter names. This isn't deliberate, we're just lazy.  
  
We've started on the digidestined's problems (a little) Yes Matt hallucinating about blood-drenched floors *is* a problem.  
  
And the flashbacks about Ben are supposed to show that the digidestined did know him, even if they weren't close.  
  
The reason we didn't have one of the DD dying is because we wanted them to face their own problems, not get distracted by the death of a close friend (as you'll notice Ben's friends have been) again this is on purpose.  
  
Forgive the humour, it's a self defense mechanism, both for us and the characters. It's their way of coping and our way of keeping ourselves sane.  
  
Please Review!!! 


	4. A Crystal in My Babies Eyes, I Want What...

'Blood is Blood'  
  
By Kaizer K-chan and FireDemon  
  
Warnings: Suicide, Death, Angst, Drug-use, Yaoi (We can't resist) Mentions a lot of not nice stuff. This is a serious fic. TAITO, KENSUKE - It just snuck in. *sighs miserably* We were really looking forward to writing SORATO *gags*  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Digimon or the song "Blood is Blood" by Nerina Pallot, but we suggest you listen to it. The storyline and all original characters belong to us, or the respective people they're based on. Please don't take them without permission. For the real Ben, rest in peace man.  
  
Chapter 4: A Crystal in My Babies Eyes, I Want What I Can Love  
  
Matt sat down on the park bench, holding an ice-cream in his right hand and a red balloon in his left. Sighing happily he began to eat the chocolate ice-cream.  
  
"You don't have to eat that you know," said a happy voice.  
  
Matt looked up and smiled, "Oh, hi Ben. How's it going?"  
  
"You don't have to eat that." Ben repeated, "It can't taste nice."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Matt questioned, "I love chocolate ice- cream." He took a big lick. Ben winced.  
  
"You don't have to pretend you know Matt. I already know what it is."  
  
"What?" Laughed Matt, "Chocolate ice-cream?"  
  
"It doesn't taste that good you know Matt. You don't have to swallow it."  
  
"What are you talking about Ben?"  
  
"Look at it for what it really is Matt. You already know what it is, now stop lying to itself."  
  
Matt looked down at the ice-cream in his hand. Maggots and bugs were crawling around inside the cone, in a shifting mess that made him feel sick. How could he have been eating it for so long?  
  
He looked back at Ben, who stared back at him, the most heartbreakingly sad expression on his face.  
  
He let go of the balloon, but instead of floating up it popped, drenching him in warm blood.  
  
The ice-cream cone disappeared and the bugs swarmed out of his hand. He looked down, but instead of a park bench he was hunched up on a toilet seat. He looked back over at the bugs, they were swarming all over a pasty body. The eyes of the corpse opened,  
  
"You've got blood on your clothes Matty, now your parents are going to be angry," A young girl's voice came from the open mouth.  
  
Matt shrank back as bugs swarmed out of the stiff mouth and began to gnaw at the girl's eyes, which continued to stare accusingly at him.  
  
~~~  
  
"Shit, Matt," Tai shook the boy again, "Wake up dude."  
  
The shrill wailing stopped as Matt sat up in bed, panting for breath.  
  
"Tai?" He asked.  
  
"Are you okay? That must have been some nightmare dude!"  
  
Matt shrugged, "I don't know, I can't remember. Hey can you get me the phone, I think I should ring Sora," He paused, "What are you doing here anyway?"  
  
"I carried you back here when you were too scared to walk." He grinned mischievously.  
  
"Excuse me?" Matt drawled, "You carried me? Yeah right, it was probably the other way around."  
  
Tai's jaw snapped closed, his face flushing with anger, "See if I rescue you from bloody floors ever again!"  
  
"What?" Snapped Matt, his heart skipping a beat as a flash of bloody floor- tiles crossed his minds eye.  
  
"Oh has poor little Matty forgotten being holed up on the toilet, too scared to move?" Tai taunted.  
  
Another flash of memory. "Get out!" Matt shrieked, snatching up one of the books from his bedside table, "Stop saying these things. You're lying!"  
  
Tai stalked out of the room, pausing by the doorway, "Oh by the way. Sora says you're dumped."  
  
"What?!?" Matt screeched at the door, as it slammed shut.  
  
~~~  
  
"Hi Tai," T.K. stepped out of the elevator, and gave Tai his brightest smile, "It's great that you and Matt are friends again."  
  
Tai glared, "Your brother is an asshole," He yelled at the top of his lungs.  
  
Tai stepped into the elevator, and repeatedly pressed the button to close the door, "And don't go near my sister you little-" The doors closed before he could finish his sentence.  
  
T.K. smiled apologetically as the 5 doors between his brothers apartment and the elevator opened and heads poked out, "Lovers tiff," He explained.  
  
T.K. walked into Matts apartment, to see Matt raiding the fridge in a huff, "So what are you and Mrs. Ishida fighting about this time?"  
  
"Can it T.K." Growled Matt.  
  
~~~  
  
Tai stormed into his apartment, slamming the door behind him.  
  
"Hello Tai-sweetie" Sung his mother, "It sounds like you had a wonderful day at school. Would you like some onion juice dear?"  
  
"I don't like onion juice Mum," He replied.  
  
"Oh..." His mother seemed to shrink in on herself, "You won't tell your father will you? I just forgot."  
  
"No Mum, I won't say a word."  
  
"Oh Tai, you're such a good boy. Would you like to come into the kitchen? I've got some incense burning, I can make you some brownies."  
  
Tai, ever wary of both his mothers incense and cooking (especially her brownies) declined.  
  
Her face fell, "Maybe Kari will want some brownies," She smiled at him, "Is she home yet dear? Your father wants to see her. I hope she hasn't been a bad girl, he doesn't like it when she's bad."  
  
Tai shrugged, "I haven't seen her since school, why don't you go make those brownies for her?"  
  
"That's a brilliant idea honey. W-would you ask your father what he wants me to cook for dinner."  
  
"Father's still away on business Mum." Tai informed her patiently.  
  
"Oh. How about we order pizza. Do you have any money Tai?"  
  
"I'll go check."  
  
His mother smiled at him, her brown eyes slightly glazed, "Your such a good boy Tai. Your father will be so proud of you."  
  
Tai sighed, not even bothering to check for money. His mother would have forgotten her request only moments after he left the room. He'd get something when Kari got home.  
  
~~~  
  
Mrs Izumi checked her watch, it was almost 5 o'clock, and there was still no sign of Izzy. Perhaps something had happened with those horrible reporters at his school. Maybe one of Izzy's friends would know where he was. She had to think for quite some time before a name came to her.  
  
She picked up the telephone and rang the number in the phonebook.  
  
A chirpy female answered the phone, "Hi, would you like a brownie?"  
  
"Er," Mrs Izumi smiled tolerantly, when had Mrs Kamiya had another daughter? "Can I please speak to your brother Tai."  
  
There was a giggle, "Tai's in his room. Do you want to speak to him?"  
  
"Ah, yes, I'd like to speak to him. Could you go get him please?"  
  
"Oh. Okay." There was a pause, "Would you like a brownie while you wait?"  
  
"No thank you," Mrs Izumi declined.  
  
There was a click, then Tai picked up the phone, "Matt if this is you, you might as well hang up now, because there is no way in hell I'm getting back together with you. You can go grovel to Sora, maybe you can explain to her that we're not fucking each others brains out."  
  
"Er... This is Mrs Izumi, Izzy's mother. I'm so sorry to call you, but I didn't know who else to call. Izzy hasn't come home yet. Have you seen him?"  
  
Tai's face flushed red, "Oh, er, sorry about earlier. I thought you were someone else."  
  
"That's quite alright. I like to think of myself as open minded. Have you seen Izzy?"  
  
"No, I'm sorry. I haven't even talked to him since Joe had that graduation party last year."  
  
"Oh, well thank you anyway, I-"  
  
"I can go look for him if you like? Maybe he's still at school working on one of his projects. You know how he is with his computer," He joked, hoping it was still true.  
  
"That would be a great comfort."  
  
"No problem," Tai replied.  
  
"By the way Tai, congratulations on the younger sister."  
  
"What?" Tai asked in confusion.  
  
"The one who answered the phone."  
  
There was a loud silence, "Thanks," Tai finally said. He hung up the phone, glaring at the kitchen in the direction of his mother.  
  
"Mum," he called, "I'm going out to look for Izzy."  
  
"Of course he can sleep over, was that him on the phone?" She smiled, "You can have a brownie while you wait for him to get here."  
  
"That's okay Mum, I'm meeting him out the front," He lied, shutting the door behind him as he left.  
  
~~~  
  
Yolei strode down the hall, free at last from the horrors of detention. After ambushing their fourth News Reporter they'd finally been caught. She'd taken the rap and had been given the choice of Detention, a Lawsuit or an Apology.  
  
Quite naturally she'd chosen detention. She couldn't afford a lawsuit, and there was no way in hell she was going to apologise to the big-breasted tart they'd hospitalised. She most definitely wasn't sorry.  
  
She scowled, still, she wished she hadn't volunteered to take the rap now. Two hours with Mr Elson breathing down her neck and trying to 'talk' to her, was definitely her idea of the ultimate punishment. Maybe she should have just lied about being sorry, but she hated to do the expected. She liked to think she had more class.  
  
She stomped into the girls change-room, she'd gotten halfway home before realising she'd left her 'new' Channel 7 microphone in her locker, where she'd hidden it. It probably wasn't smart to run around with the weapon used in an attempted murder.  
  
She stopped as she heard the sound of a shower running next door in the boys locker room.  
  
She sighed, and cursing her curiosity, decided to check it out. She knew that it was her group of friends who'd get blamed if the water was left running all night. Besides, like anybody would actually be showering at this time.  
  
She stalked towards the shower cubicle, and froze as she saw there was someone in there.  
  
"Oh my god, I'm sorry," she averted her eyes, but not before noticing the boy was fully dressed. She looked back, when there was no reply.  
  
"Izzy?" She asked in surprise, "What are you doing?"  
  
He looked up at her, "Oh. Hey Yolei. What are you doing here?" He asked blankly.  
  
"I just got out of detention. Why aren't you at home?"  
  
Izzy gave a small chuckle, "I think I'd get in trouble if I walked out during school."  
  
"Izzy," she said gently, "School finished two hours ago." She reached in the turn off the taps and jerked her hand back when the icy spray hit it, "What are you doing? Trying to catch a cold?"  
  
Izzy tilted his head, "No, I'm just dirty." He paused, "Have you read Ben's note?"  
  
Yolei hesitated, "Yes. Did you know him?"  
  
Izzy shook his head, "He's a liar, tell me he was wrong."  
  
Yolei turned off the water and didn't answer, "C'mon Izzy, let's get you home. I bet your folks are worried about you."  
  
"Yes, because they love me. Very, very much. Even though I'm not really their son. So then it's not wrong is it? It's just special."  
  
"What's special?" Yolei asked.  
  
"I can't tell you. It's a secret," He smiled softly, "A very special secret, because I'm so very loved."  
  
Yolei felt a chill run down her spine, "C'mon Izzy, let's dry you off." She snagged a towel of the seat, and wrapped it around the boys shoulders.  
  
Izzy smiled blankly at her, "He was wrong. It's not abnormal, it's just special."  
  
Tai entered the room at a run, "Izzy?" He yelled.  
  
"He's over here." Answered a distinctly female voice.  
  
"What are you doing in here?" Tai asked when he spotted the lavender haired girl.  
  
"I heard the shower running and came to turn it off. I found Izzy sitting on the bottom of the shower. The water was ice cold, but only the hot water tap was on. I think he's been there for a while."  
  
"Oh," Tai replied, "Izzy, your mom was looking for you. I guess your parents are worried."  
  
Izzy smiled vacantly, "That's because they love me. And it's a special type of love."  
  
Yolei cast a worried look at Tai over Izzy's head, "Maybe we should take him to a doctor or something?"  
  
"Hey, isn't Joe a med student?" Tai asked, "I think that's what he said anyway."  
  
"It's worth a try. I suddenly have a really bad feeling about taking Izzy home."  
  
Tai nodded, and quickly picked up the shivering boy.  
  
"I'm a lucky guy," He joked to Yolei, "This is the second gorgeous guy I've 'picked up' today."  
  
Yolei grinned, "Yeah, I heard. Congratulations on the children by the way Mrs Ishida, although your sex-change hasn't done much for your ruggedly handsome features."  
  
Tai cast her a confused look.  
  
"According to the grapevine after making your porn debut under Louie's direction in the A-Block toilets you eloped with Matt behind Sora's back, causing her to dump the both of you simultaneously at which point after an interlude with a teacher, she announced her lesbianism, whereas you, who was a woman on the inside got a sex change and adopted 4 lovely children. We'll have to wait till tomorrow to see what genders they are."  
  
Tai burst out laughing, "Oh no, they know my secret," He shrilled in a fake woman's voice, "Whatever shall I do?"  
  
"Well you know," Yolei mused, "After I tell them about the lovers quarrel and your new boyfriend I may become very popular for a few hours."  
  
Tai rolled his eyes.  
  
~~~  
  
Joe opened the door and blinked in surprise. "Tai, Yolei, what are you doing here?" He asked and glanced at the boy in Tai's arms. "And what's wrong with Izzy?"  
  
For the first time Yolei voiced her fears aloud, "Tai and I think," she hesitated, "that something might be going on between Izzy and his father. After reading Bens letter he just shut down."  
  
She thrust a copy of Bens letter into Joe's hand. Joe scanned the letter and bit his lip, "Well, it could be any number of things."  
  
"What, you don't think Izzy has a problem?" Joe was slightly taken aback by the venom in Yolei's voice.  
  
"I just, well," He sighed, "Just bring him inside, I'll get a towel. We'd better dry him off before he catches something."  
  
~~~  
  
T.K. turned and made sure the bathroom door was locked. He didn't want anyone to walk in on him, especially not his mum. She thought he was a perfect little angel. Not that he was of course, but he had to hide his flaws.  
  
He kicked his pants off and climbed into the empty bathtub. God today had been so hard, as had yesterday, and the day before. He hadn't cut yesterday, he deserved a reward.  
  
He gripped the razor - his mothers razor - and stared down at his legs. God they were hideous. So normal, until halfway up his thighs. He was running out of room, scars criss-crossed his legs, a few dark scabs standing out. Maybe he'd have to start reopening old cuts, that wasn't a good idea, as they took longer to heal, that meant more chance of someone finding out... that he wasn't normal. That he wasn't perfect.  
  
He found a clear patch of skin further down his thigh then anywhere he'd cut before. This was risky, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He deserved his reward.  
  
He snapped the razor, pulling the blade out, ignoring the fact that his mother would probably wonder what had happened to it.  
  
Carefully he pressed the blade against his skin, it hurt, yet at the same time it was strangely relieving. Never losing focus T.K. very calmly carved the word HOPE into his clear lily white skin.  
  
He snapped out of the trance cutting had sent him into and yelped. Maybe he'd cut a bit too deep. He wasn't trying to kill himself, he liked being alive. Cutting was just his way of proving that he still was.  
  
~~~  
  
"So where do we start?" Louie asked.  
  
"At the first diary, duh!"  
  
"Which one is that?" Davis asked curiously.  
  
"The one with the fairy stickers dipstick," Dan grinned, "Marcy got it for him after he publicly announced his gayness."  
  
"He publicly announced his gayness?" Davis repeated in shock.  
  
"Yep. Ran naked through school auditorium during assembly screaming, 'I am Ben Elliot and I am GAY'." Dan grinned, "We think someone gave him a bad mix, but it's hard to tell with Ben."  
  
"Just read the first entry already," Louie growled.  
  
"Alright," Marcy agreed, opening it to the first page, the inside front cover was covered with a very unflattering sketch of Principal Kennet.  
  
The group leant over to look at the picture, "I remember when he did that," Mused Louie.  
  
Marcy turned the page and read the first entry, "Dear Diary, I am so NOT gay. I just got suspended by that fat prick who calls himself our principal. Who knew you could get suspended for turning up to the assembly in your birthday suit. So maybe I tried to wrestle the microphone from said prick, but I was very gay at the time. I can't believe my parents grounded me. This is all Dans fault. I'm going to kill him for giving me that bad mix!"  
  
Dan blushed, as everyone turned to look at him, "It was years ago, how was I supposed to remember it was my fault?" He protested.  
  
Marcy grinned and continued, "I'm gonna have to sneak out to go to B.I.B.'s party tomorrow night. If MJ dobs on me I swear I'm gonna kill her."  
  
Dee laughed wistfully, "Brings back memories doesn't it? I'd forgotten he tried to steal the microphone."  
  
Davis was looking highly upset.  
  
"What's the matter Davey?" Jess asked.  
  
"I can't believe I missed that. I hate being a year 8."  
  
The entire group started laughing at him.  
  
~~~  
  
Sora paced her room once more, why the hell had she dumped Matt? She knew he wasn't sleeping with Tai. As usual she'd overreacted.  
  
It was just, she knew she didn't deserve Matt, he was too good for her.  
  
"Sora honey, could you come out here?" She heard her mother call.  
  
"Yes mother?" She replied.  
  
Ellie looked very disappointed with her, "Your father wanted to see you, he just left. Don't worry it's not your fault," She comforted with a smile, "I love you, even if he doesn't."  
  
"That's nice mother," Sora replied, walking back towards her room. She'd gotten into the habit of ignoring Ellie, especially when she talked about Jack. After all, Sora's father had died well over 10 years ago.  
  
"Sora! Don't be rude to your father," Her mother chided, "Just because he doesn't love you doesn't mean I'll let you be uncouth."  
  
"That's nice mother," Sora repeated, slamming the door behind her.  
  
God, living with Ellie was trying. Sometimes she caught herself wondering if her father really had died or not. She dug her nails into her hand. Jack was dead, she'd been to his funeral, and Ellie was insane. She really needed to stop doubting herself.  
  
~~~  
  
Kari led MJ into her and Tai's shared bedroom.  
  
MJ looked around, "I can't believe you still share a room with you brother. Is this like a two-bedroom apartment?"  
  
Kari shook her head, "No, my daddy uses the other room for his office. Tai and I aren't allowed in there. He'd flip out if one of us suggested that Tai and I have separate rooms at the expense of his study."  
  
MJ forced a smile, "Yeah. Sure Kari. That's still weird though. I can't imagine sharing a room with-" she broke off with a choked sound, "But then he's dead so I don't have to."  
  
Kari carefully rested a hand on MJ's shoulder, "It's not your fault."  
  
"Marcy thinks it is," MJ replied in a whisper.  
  
"I'm sure that's not true," Kari comforted.  
  
"It is," MJ replied, "I told him I wished he'd go away and leave me alone, and now he'd dead. I didn't mean it Kari."  
  
"I know you didn't MJ. Just give it time. Marcy will come around. I don't think Ben would kill himself just because you two had a fight, you've had fights before."  
  
MJ shrugged, "He's never killed himself before."  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
Authors Notes: Lots of symbolism in Matt's dream if you want to take the time. ^_^'  
  
We finally got the angst going on. See, everyone has problems, which naturally, are going to take some time to resolve. Poor Matty has LOTS. He's such a psycho.  
  
Izzy's problems are just plain scary, though hopefully believable. T.K. cuts his upper thigh and not his arm for a reason. He doesn't want anyone to see. Hopefully our 'cutting' scene wasn't totally freaky or implausible.  
  
Kari's problems will be introduced next chapter. Poor Kari is as psycho as Matt. We're not sure how in depth we should go on Ken as the show pretty much covered it.  
  
And was it just us, or did Joe react to the note?  
  
Davis and Yolei have yet to discover/face their own problems, given that they're too wrapped up in missing Ben. Humour the diary reading, it does go somewhere.  
  
And again the original characters are there to show that it's not just the digidestined who have problems.  
  
Crest of Empathy: We finally managed to look at your review, and we figured you brought up some good points. Matt and Sora's reactions in the first chapter were insensitive but these two reactions are actually fairly common. Disgusting as it may seem, your first reaction to the death of someone you don't know well is generally disbelief or curiosity. Sora wasn't thinking 'Screw him' she was thinking, 'This must be a joke' and was trying to protect herself from the truth. Nobody wants to believe that someone they know or consider a friend, or could even relate to, would kill themselves. Both Matt and Sora have issues, as you've undoubtedly seen in the previous two chapters. And of course they do react very differently once they finally accept it or are confronted with the truth.  
  
Humour is a defence that we all hide behind, which is why it keeps popping up, funny things make you laugh, and laughing means you're not sad, right?  
  
Hopefully we've explained the reactions, which might have seemed unrealistic or heartless before.  
  
Also we don't really hate Sora (or even Sorato... we just prefer Taito) in this fic their personalities really clashed, and of course their nasty break up is part of Sora's issue.  
  
Sailor Gotland, we're glad the yaoi attracted you to our fic, the fact that you dislike the dub names is actually rather amusing, since K-chan and I spent the whole of this using the sub names and trying to stop ourselves from using Japanese. We prefer the sub names, there's so much more you can do with them, but for this we decided to use the dub names. ^_^  
  
Anyway, now that's done... Please review??? 


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